It’s that time of year again, when we begin to face the reality of our increasingly infamous New Year’s resolutions. I say increasingly infamous, because let’s face it, that’s what resolutions become for many people. After one too many missed targets, or uninspiring goals, or simply one too many failures, it’s easy to say “nah, I’m not going to bother this year”. There are those on the opposite end of the spectrum as well, for whom New Year’s resolutions are the enemy, not because they’re unachievable, but because they imply we aren’t improving the rest of the year. One would think such improve-aholics would be thrilled with a holiday that incorporates goal-setting as a pillar of the celebration, but I suppose it’s just not good enough for them.
There’s nothing wrong with taking a break from goals for a while. There’s also nothing wrong with improving all year round. But I think we’d all enjoy the New Year a little more if we took care to set our resolutions properly. Here’s three ideas for setting the right resolutions.
Ignore Your Guilt, Ignore Your Ego
When it comes to the most common resolutions; living healthier, losing weight, exercising more, quitting smoking, drinking less, getting that promotion, etc. it’s hard to separate guilt and ego from the equation. There’s nothing wrong with these resolutions, but if we choose to lose weight simply because we know we’re supposed to, that’s going to feel miserable. Every missed day at the gym will lead to guilt. Every workout you take slightly easy, will lead to guilt. Every day the scale doesn’t move, will lead to guilt. And your reward for showing up and doing the work? Not fulfillment, happiness or pride, but simply relief from guilt.
When I used to get my grades at the end of the semester in college I never celebrated. Not once. If they where good I simply felt relieved that I didn’t screw anything up that semester. That’s because my grades weren’t about learning for me, they were about my ego! Getting As made me feel relieved, anything else made me feel bad. If my grades were about learning, as they should have been, I would have learned everything I could have through the course of the semester and the final grades wouldn’t have mattered much at all.
But that’s what happens when you set goals based on guilt and ego. You have the sad sensation of not actually being that happy when you accomplish something. If your intentions are to avoid feeling guilt and avoid shots to your ego, all that’s at the end of the road is relief. Relief that you don’t have to feel guilty anymore. Relief that you’re not that bad after all. If setting resolutions is really about setting your intentions for the next year, then surely there are better intentions than relieving your guilt and feeding your ego.
Is losing weight really important because you know you’re supposed to? Or is losing weight important because you’ll have more energy? Or because you’ll pickup that sport you used to play? Or because you want to set yourself up for a longer, healthier and happier life in the long-run?
Is earning a promotion really important because it’s a symbol of success? Or would the money drastically improve the quality of your family’s life? Or do you love your profession and want to become the best you can be at it? Or are you saving up so that you can change careers to something you care about more? Or would the extra money help you take more of the trips that you love?
Intentions matter, so we should choose the right ones.
Measure the One Thing Worth Measuring
It’s tempting to set metrics for our resolutions. After all, if you can’t measure it you can’t manage it, right? (Wrong!). Gaining 20 lbs of muscle. Doing 20 pull-ups in a row. Squatting 350 lbs. Benching your body weight. Losing 30 lbs. These sound like good ideas, but losing a specific amount of weight or gaining a specific amount of muscle is a strange intention. What we really want is energy, athleticism, to get back to the sport we love, to live a long and happy life. And there’s only one way to get there…
And it is to show up and put in the work. That’s the only thing worth measuring, did you show up and do the work or not? Measure that and let the silly metrics fall where they may.
Go for Quantity With A Sprinkle of Quality
We tend to overestimate what we can accomplish in a year and underestimate what we can accomplish in five years. That reality doesn’t jive well with big New Year’s resolutions. If we go back to the quintessential New Year’s goal of getting in great shape, there are a couple ways to achieve that. One is by grinding in the gym for an hour or more every day for months. The other is to treat yourself more gently, to get to the gym as often as you can, to prioritize showing up over your three page workout routine, and let the effects of 30 minute spurts of exercise take their effect over one, two or even three years.
There is nothing wrong with setting big goals, but big goals shouldn’t infiltrate every aspect of your life. The difference between “getting ripped” vs “exercising more” is immense. Looking like Arnold Schwarzenegger is clearly the more aspirational accomplishment. Goal setting experts all over will tell you to aim for the moon and land amongst the stars. But while big goals aren’t inherently problematic, you have to be selective about how many you have. Gaining 30 lbs of muscle is likely to take a lot more out of your life than “exercising more”. Not only does it require more time, it also requires learning about exercise, following a specific nutritional plan and potentially upgrading to a better equipped gym or even hiring a personal trainer.
There’s nothing wrong with spending time, energy and money on a goal. But let’s say you’re also aspiring to earn a big promotion at work. And to start writing that book you’ve always wanted to write. Big promotions also tend to require a lot of time and energy. And so does writing a book. The reality is, if you have more than one big goal, something has to give. You can’t spend more time exercising, more time writing, more time reading, more time cooking, more time meditating, more time having fun with friends and more time at the office. You have to choose.
Most people take that to mean they should choose one New Year’s resolution and shoot for the stars. I agree, one big New Year’s resolution is probably enough. But that doesn’t mean you can’t sprinkle a few less demanding ones on top. Here’s my list for the upcoming year ordered by the time commitment I’m expecting:
Write a Lot More (BIG TIME COMMITMENT)
Cook Healthy Plant-Based Meals Often (Medium)
Play More Soccer (Medium)
Make Time for Adventure (Medium)
Read More (Medium)
Keep a Planner (small)
Write Thank You Letters (small)
Find More Enjoyment at Work (small)
Get My First Tattoo (small)
Be Kinder to Myself (small)
Last year I had similar setup:
Get My Knee Healthy After ACL Surgery (BIG TIME COMMITMENT)
Have More Fun (Medium)
Start Coffee Talk (Medium)
Go Vegetarian (Medium)
Learn About Stocks/Bonds (Medium)
Get into Micro-VC Investing (Medium)
Get Engaged (Medium)
Figure Out Where to Live (small)
Make a Platform for my Grandpa's Old Coffee Grinder (small)
Examine Subscription Payments (small)
I didn’t achieve all of these resolutions, but that’s not really what it’s about. It’s about moving your life in the direction you want. Not only did I rehab my knee so I could get back to the sports I love, I also got engaged last year. Thankfully getting engaged does not require daily workouts, more yoga than I’ve ever done in my life, sprints at the park underneath the 100 degree Texas sun and miles and miles on the treadmill. But while it took less time than my knee rehab, it was also more important. That’s the beauty of mixing your big time commitment resolutions with smaller ones. Sometimes the things that take a few moments are just as important as the habits that require your attention day after day after day after day.
I didn’t accomplish everything last year, but I did set my goals with intention. I focused on putting in the time over arbitrary metrics and I had a long list of resolutions that included both big time commitments and smaller ones. It was my best year for resolutions in my 25 years so far, and I’m taking another stab at it this year. Resolutions are tough. But we’re only 3% of the way into 2022. There’s plenty of time to get after it.